Fighting For My Heart

Psalm 55

Listen to my prayer, O God, …

Opening a moment of prayer addressing God and asking Him to listen.

How do we open moments with God?

Do we pause in the quiet?

Do we scream loudly for Him to hear?

Is it in passing?

Is it deliberate?

Opening a conversation with God is the beginning to any prayer. It is like pushing the buttons on our phone to call a friend. Holding out hope that our friend will answer gives way to the desire to talk, or cry, or celebrate.

The Psalmist’s opening line was simply… “HEY GOD…LET’S TALK!”

…do not ignore my plea

A demanding cry of the Psalmist!

I command You God!

I demand of You God!…

DO NOT IGNORE ME!

Or…was this more of a cry from a tender yet broken heart?

Please God, do not walk out the door. My heart is broken. Please stay. Please sit. Please listen…I need You!

At times, we simply need God to hear, to listen, to be present, …

Hear me and answer me.

A cry to be heard.

A cry to plead.

A cry for an answer.

I cry out to God…I need Your listening ears…listening ears for comfort…listening ears to feel Your presence…listening ears to heal this loneliness and isolation.

Answer me, Jesus. Please do not let me walk away from this moment empty and without answers. I need You! I need Your answers…Your wisdom…Your guidance!

I have tried over and over again to find answers, but they are empty and useless. They accomplish nothing pushing me back into the same space as though I am chasing my own tail.

Please, God, give me Your answers!

My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught.

My thoughts bombard me day and night. My sleep is restless, my dreams are of hatred and betrayal. I wake up in distress and agony. I cannot escape the monsters inside my head. They chase me down in a relentless pursuit.

because of what my enemy is saying, because of the threats of the wicked.

Oh, dear God, their words and accusations hurt so deeply. They do not stop. With the rise of each new day come familiar words of pain and betrayal. They have lost the ability to see me, a human, one who hurts and bleeds with each twist of the knife.

Threats that attempt to destroy!

for they bring down suffering on me and assail me in their anger.

The rocks they throw at me are heavier and heavier weighing me down with their accusations. Lord, please lift these rocks from my shoulders.

They act violently with their anger. They come at me one by one, two by two, in groups and in masses accusing me of wrong with no mercy, no grace.

My heart is in anguish within me;

If you were to squeeze my heart, the brokenness, hurt, and anger would pour out. I try to hide it. I try to smile, but my heart is so broken. I think I have relinquished my hurt, but my heart just takes a pause while more anguish fills it even more. The supply is endless.

the terrors of death have fallen on me.

I would not describe death as terror, but more than that I would appreciate death as a relief from this pain.

Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.

My stomach trembles with fear. Fear for what is before me. Fear their accusations may turn to right. Fear that God will turn from my wretched aching soul.

My fear turns to horror…like watching a movie as I sit on the edge of my seat. Friend changing to villain now turns towards his victim looking to devour. I cower in horror.

Oh, that I had the wings of a dove. I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert…

I long to flee but instead I sit face to face, cheek to cheek, eye to eye with my enemy.

Still crying out to God…Listen to my prayer oh God…LISTEN!

I call to God, and the Lord saves me.

Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice.

My prayer never ceases. I look this way and that way for relief, but my heart, my truth, my foundation tells me to look only ONE way. I force my gaze away from my enemy and onto my God. Three times a day, every moment of every day, my voice cries out to God in despair longing to find relief.

But as for me, I trust in you.

AMEN

Written by Melody Westbrook. 
Melody Westbrook is the founder of The Walk Ministries, a ministry designed to bring women together through God’s story. She was a pastor’s wife for 35 years and has authored the book The Walk Back to Eden. She is a communicator who loves to tell God’s story written within each of us while using her personal experience of a broken marriage and childhood survivor of abuse to communicate God’s redemption story. She loves teaching real women real stories of real life from God’s word. You can find her at http://facebook.com/thewalk.edw/