Opposites Attract

My husband Brent and I have been married 41 years. That’s difficult for me to comprehend. In some ways, it seems like it was only a short time ago that we caught each other’s eyes while students at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. And, as the saying goes, the rest is history. Our first date was on my birthday (October 26^th) and we married on the following February 4^th. It was a whirlwind courtship.

I’ve often said if we’d known each other better, we might have been a bit apprehensive going into marriage. Not that it would have kept us from marrying, as we truly love each other! BUT it would have caused some anxiety, I’m sure.

For instance, I came into the marriage with some baggage that not many young wives have. My first husband had died four years previously when I was 22-years-old, after a year-long battle with leukemia. Of course, Brent knew that; we’d talked about it. However, he’d never experienced what I refer to as my “tough days” – the date of my first husband’s birthday, the date we had wed, the date he had died, and the date of his funeral. Well, Brent did sort of experience that last date, as it was on the funeral date (four years later) that Brent and I met. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I still experience these “tough days” just not as intensely as I once did. Brent is not only tolerant but also understanding of my emotions on those days, for which I am extremely grateful.

Brent brought into our marriage some challenges, too. Sheesh! The man doesn’t like spaghetti! Pasta of any kind, actually. Have I mentioned, pasta is my main food group? I teasingly tell him if I’d known he didn’t like spaghetti I might not have married him, but we both know that isn’t true. And I’d marry him again in a heartbeat.

Oh, but don’t even get me started on how opposites attract. Organizing is one of my favorite pastimes. An organized home where everything has a place; that’s my idea of happiness. Brent, on the other hand, is anything but organized. Just one look in our closets would tell you we’re opposites in this regard. Mine is neatly arranged and orderly. His is total chaos!

Brent likes working in the dirt (gardening) while I prefer keeping my hands clean.

I like to plan ahead; he’s more spontaneous.

He thinks on his feet, but I have to process a while.

The list goes on and on.

I vividly remember a seminary professor saying the reason opposites attract is because we have an innate desire to “complete ourselves”. If that’s true, and I think it is, then Brent and I are VERY complete.

Not only that, I believe Brent and I are both better people because we have each other.

What about you? Who makes you a better person; more complete? It might be a spouse, but not necessarily. It could be a good friend. A relative.

Those “completing” relationships are so important. We must work at maintaining them because they make us a better person. When stress occurs, and it will if for no other reason than the fact that we are opposites, we need to step back and look at things from the other person’s perspective and de-escalate the potentially damaging situation as quickly as possible. If, instead, we allow things to get out-of-hand and we say critical and harsh things in the midst of our frustration, not only are we being hurtful to the other person, we are also harming ourselves because that person is the one who “completes” us.

In much the same way that we need these individuals to complete us personally, work places and even churches need different types of people. If everyone were the same – thought the same way, wanted exactly the same things, etc. – there would be little opportunity for growth, positive change, progressive thinking. Instead intolerance and stagnation would be more likely to occur.

It takes all of us working together to be the best – the most complete – that we can be. While that’s not specifically what the apostle Paul was saying in Roman’s 12:4, I believe his words do speak about the concept of completeness. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

So, let me encourage all of us to be more tolerant of the differences among us and to value those individuals who complete us, whether in our personal relationships, in our work places, or in our churches. After all, opposites attract for a reason.

Jeanette Cloyd’s days are busy working alongside her husband Brent who is the Associational Mission Strategist of Greater Wabash Baptist Association, caring for their son Brock, visiting her dad and the other residents of the Assisted Living Facility in Fairfield where they live, and doing volunteer work. At day’s end, she spends time indulging her creative side by making cards, which can be seen on her blog Cre8tive Play, Facebook, and Instagram.