Full Disclosure
Full disclosure: My heart is often distracted.
I started a new job in August. I tell anyone who asks that it feels as if God created this role, this schedule, this experience just for me and our little family.
Much like my prior role at IBSA, this job came at such a time that we needed it. This job is how God is providing for our family. For our fears. For our joys. For our future?
The cost of living seems to keep rising. And for those of us who were already praying to stay afloat, nothing seems to be enough lately. We have cut many costs. We have tried our best with budgeting. And yes, we could use a couple lessons on food prepping and staying ahead of the need (again), rather than reacting to each one…
But even with this new job, it is hard to trust God that we will stay afloat.
That we will pay off debt.
That we will keep up with rising costs.
But perhaps, I need a perspective shift.
Perhaps I am clinging too much to the future I have planned.
Perhaps my heart betrays my need to rely on the Father. To trust that He is truly good. That He truly has our best interest at heart.
I know that we can learn through every experience.
But my heart and mind do not naturally go back to those memories.
I have to choose to remind myself of the times God has seen me through.
I must testify to myself…
The times God did what could not be explained.
The times we were at our wit’s end.
The times there was nothing left to do but pray, read God’s word, remember those times…
And trust.
*I pray you are not in a season like me, but if you are, please know you are not alone. I pray for both of our hearts, friend. May we continually turn our countenance back to God so He may renew us, strengthen us, and give us peace, no matter the circumstance.
Our soul waits for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in Him,
because we trust in His holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in You.
Psalm 33:20-22
Music helps me train my heart toward God again. Lately it’s the same album, Hills and Horizons by Futures, released in 2022. Feel free to seek it out. I share the lyrics to one of their songs below. I pray it encourages your heart, as it does mine.
Dare to Believe by Futures
Verse 1
Not what I expected
Didn’t think I’d ever make it out
Looking for direction
Went and took the scenic route
Verse 2
Picking up the pieces
I can see where it all went wrong
Best thing that ever happened
Can’t believe I can say this now
Verse 3
Gave You all the pieces
I quit trying to work it out
Best thing that ever happened
Got me thinking clearly now
Prе-Chorus
I found myself with broken dreams
Brought to my knees
I thought I knеw how things should go
But You know best
Chorus
Could I dare to believe
That the God who knows me
Could’ve had better plans all along
Could I dare to believe
You’re the God who knows me
And You’ve had better plans all along
Bridge
It’s time to dream again
It’s time to live again
It’s time to hope again
I dare to believe You
Post and pictures by Leah Honnen.
Leah Honnen is a wife, momma, and infertility warrior living in Jacksonville, IL. She is a homemaker and volunteers at her church, but loves spending time fixing up her pre-1920s home with her husband, John. Leah writes on the lessons she continues to learn in daily life – through infertility, motherhood, music, friendships, and more on Instagram @leahhonnen.
You can find more of Leah's posts on the PriorityNow Blog here.
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